itty bitty bits

Glorious Bike Ride This Morning

When you live in Chicago, you are surrounded by beautiful parks...some are wildlife havens. The park by my house is one of those. Today I went on a bike ride through Gompers Park.

What I love about this park is the natural habitats set up...There is a natural pond

There is a gorgeous man made pond 

 

The man made pond has been filled with fish and families come here often...Dad's bring the boys and teach them how to fish

Families come to feed the Geese and Ducks....My Daughter who rode with me got in on the feeding act

Today there was a large family of ducks, geese and super adorable baby geese...how cute!

There were dozens of turtles in the water and a couple sunbathing on concrete

And if you look really close in the brush...there is a deer.

I love this park and all the natural life that lives here. I cannot wait to ride again tomorrow morning. It is a great effort for my workouts, it is fabulous for my Weight Watchers Activity Points and it is amazingly wonderful for my soul.

Lord Stanley....We are here for your cup!

If you know me...there are a few things you know for sure. One, I love to be crafty. Two, I love Starbucks and Three, I love Sports.

Tonight is a big night in Chicago. Tonight, we play for the cup. The reason for Hockey. The big prize.

In my lifetime, the Black Hawks have been less than stellar. Recently...things have been a changin'. 

Tonight the Blcakhawks will play Game one. They will play with a rookie goalie, a couple seasoned players. A very young Patrick Kane. Tonight...they will play with my favorite player Dustin Byfuglien, otherwise known as "Big Buff".

Tonight at the Madhouse on Madison....

Magic will happen.

Looking ahead....

This has been a very long couple of months. There has been good and bad, tragedy and heartbreak, happiness and joy.

Somewhere in between...I lost me. I had been working my butt off in the gym, had been beating a demon of a relationship I have with food. I was finding a happy place in my career and in my crafting business. Then....

I gave up. I quit. I didn't care.

However, there was a light inside me still flickering and moving forward. Something was still grasping the wheel. Holding on for dear life. Wanting to see more that the road has to offer.

But...there was the rest of me looking in the rear view mirror. Thinking of past moments, past glories, past sadness. 

Last weekend, I cut off all my hair. It was very long and maybe overdue. It was very freeing. I needed to start peeling back the layers. I needed to start chipping away at this old me. I needed to start over from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I took a good look at success stories at my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday. My leader...Linda, even with a cold, came to speak to me directly. She brings me so much focus and peace and I cannot thank her enough. I chatted with Colleen who works at WW. She is most awesome, makes me laugh and believes in me. They are part of my path...They make me know it is up to me to make this happen...to lose the weight and love me regardless of what life brings my way.

It continued with my daughter, Mia, asking me for my WW Password...she wanted to help me stay on track. She makes sure to talk to me about my points each night...sometimes even when i do not want to.

It was Dana offering to be by my side if I needed a partner at a work run event. It was knowing I have more people than even I realized cheering me on to beat this weight loss battle.

It is Jacob, my most awesome water/yoga/pilates coach...it is the look he gives me when I say I am tired and then showing me I can push further than I think.

It is the Biggest Loser, it inspires me and shows me, I have ZERO excuses to run, walk, lift weights and train...zero.

It is Tara, who listens, who cares, who believes in me in all the things I do. She is a co-worker who has become the most amazing friend. I could never say thanks enough....ohh and I want to steal her dog..but that is a separate issue I am sure.

There is Brittany, my Jillian Jr. She is my trainer, she is my rock, she is my strongest supporter. She is my friend. She will call me on my bullsh*t. She will push me past the limits I think I can go to. She will never let me say I cannot do anything. She makes sure I see what the future can be if I want it. She is the most amazing person in the world.

Finally, there is me. I am my own biggest fan and worst enemy. I believe in me and know I can do anything. I am an athlete. I can run, I do spin class, I can swim for two hours, I have walked a marathon in a day. I can... I CAN do anything. I have to work on some aspects of eating and mindless nibbling. I have to find a place where all of the good beats the bad....or at least can manage it better.

I am lucky...I have an amazing group of people who love me...who think I have something special. They want to see me succeed. They want to see me beat this whole weight loss madness...they want me to be ok.

The hardest thing to do sometimes is love yourself...and I do...and it all started with a haircut and some amazing people in my life.

What I have witnessed....

These past few days have been heartbreaking, empty, sad.

On Sunday, May 16th. Eight year old Cashmere Castillo fell into the Chicago River while playing a simple sunny afternoon game of tag. As of this morning, Cashmere is still lost in the river. A child with so much energy and life, cannot be found. A child filled with laughter and joy...is still missing.

Many times on the news you will hear of a story like this and feel sadness, concern and compassion for the family. Then...sometimes....it hits home. Cashmere is the younger brother of Christian, my son Jalen's best-friend. 

There is a different kind of sadness and pain that comes with knowing the child it has happened too. There is a deeper sense of helplessness when you see the lost look of your son's best friend and there is nothing you can do to make it better. There is a moment when you feel your heart shatter...when you see his father breakdown into tears of desperation. There is nothing that can describe the pain of watching his mother...nothing.

Last night, I witnessed something beautiful. Something full of hope. Something of love. An entire community came to Eugene Field Park. They came for Cashmere, for his Mother, Father and Brother. They came for one another.

It started with a handful of people and grew to over 300. Candles were lit and placed all along the river. People cried and held hands, strangers consoled one another. Teachers from Volta Elementary came and cried and shared stories of Cashmere. Willy, Cashmere's Father turned to the crowd and said, we are not alone...our family is here. You are all a part of our family now. And it was true. We are.

I found out that my son, Jalen has been Christian's biggest supporter. I found out he has set up intervals where the students go to check on Christian at his home. I discovered that my son, at 14 was more of a man than I could have ever hoped he would be. I saw within him a deeper and stronger love than I could have imagined anyone would have at fourteen. I found my son to be a symbol of strength.

I have witnessed in these past few days...hope, strength, humility, loss, fear, compassion, determination, pain, grief, sorrow...but most importantly, I have witnessed love.

Wordless Wednesday!

I have opened an Etsy Shop!

I took the dive and opened up my own itty bitty Esty Shop

I filled it with paper and fabric goods and love. I added my heart and my favorite things. A new logo for my business and a happy smile.

 

Here is a peek at some of my super cute items!

  Come on over and visit my shop...{heart} it if you will too!

Chasing Butterflies....

I have been sitting here thinking about how easy life is when you are a kid. How the whole world can just reboot if you want it to. It is amazing how as children, we are not afraid to jump off a high stoop or to run with the wind as far as it will carry us. How we find wonder and amazement in...well....everything. When do we get to old for that? We all know age is just a number. The thing is for some of us, that part gets lost along the way.

I, myself, am an almost 40 year old woman. I know, that is not all that bad and truly young. It has also been easy to think of 40 as young due to a quote I used to describe myself since I was about 16. "I may have to grow old...but I plan to remain childish forever."

This is really how I feel inside. I still feel like that little girl chasing butterflies, swinging a baseball bat, running without much care. Spending endless days swimming and loving being in the water more than being on land. I miss heading home to put on headphones and blasting Duran Duran and Madonna.

Of course, as we grow older, we obtain responsibility and life takes over. But why...why do we have to stop chasing butterflies, swinging that baseball bat, swimming everyday or running without care?

I love the way I feel inside. I love that I can still be a child. I love that I have found that if you believe you young...you can and will be.  I will now use this feeling to get in shape and create a new me. I will take time to renew my soul and give back to myself a little every day. I will renew my faith in God, the world and humanity. I will not be afraid to take on new challenges. I can do whatever I want and all it takes is to be that little girl again...chasing butterflies.

As you go on with the rest of your day, remember...you too may have to grow old, but there is a little boy or girl inside you who is always willing to come out and play. EMBRACE THAT!

I won and I am winning!

Every now and again I will enter a contest. This one was for a fabulous spiral bound scrapbook. itty bitty at 5X7 on Stacy Jullian's Blog.

One thing you had to do was to say what you would do with the size you choose.

My quote was: I would choose a 5X7. I have decided it is time to start a weight loss journal. I have lost 50 and want to keep inspired to lose the rest. I do not want to be an unfinished story book. This would keep me on target to be a fairy tale!

This is the truth. I want to...nope scratch that...I will be a fairytale! I have lost just shy of 50lbs so far and am pushing hard to lose it all. I will get there. I will.

I am inspired by shows like the Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper, Shay Sorrells, Sam Poueu, My amazing and wonderful Brittney Patete (Jillian Jr.) and my fabulous Weight Watchers Leader, Linda, Colleen and Lynn. I am inspired by my friends Tiffany and Beth who push past what they think they can do and make it happen.

We are all winners, we are all an inspiration...we are all fairytales!

Tell me...who inspires you? Are you your own fairytale?

Post Mother's Day Thoughts

Today, I have heard from mom's and the wonderful day they had yesterday. I told the tale of my wonderful day as well. However, for me this day is bittersweet.

I began to ponder this thought today. Why and how could I be feeling a little blue after celebrating my greatest accomplishment with my kids? The truth is...they are getting older. One has even moved out already. Eventually they all will. I guess I am feeling a reality check today that the days of having them when I wake up in their beds to saying goodnight and sending them off to bed is slowly but surely coming to an end.

I was a young mom. Not necessarily by choice but it doesn't change at all how I feel about being a mom...except for one thing. I wish I could roll back the clock. I wish I could go back to the very day Jonathan was born and hold him longer. I wish I could take in the smell of his hair a bit longer.

I wish I could never let him go.

While I still have Mia and Jay home and trust me...I do hold onto them longer, smell their hair more...stare at them longingly since Jon Jon moved out. I do also look forward to times of coming home to my house clean...all day. The food not becoming a magic disappearing act in the kitchen. I look forward to the ability to move into a smaller place and live closer to the water where I can grab a glass of wine, sit on a dock and swing my foot in the water and relax.

 

But even as good as that sounds and as much as I will say..."ugghhh I cannot wait til you kids move out on your own". 

I know I can wait...I can wait for those days to come...just a little while longer...or forever. Whichever works best.

My lunch spot....peaceful, thought inspiring, beautiful....

One of the nice perks of where I work is that I am near the Chicago River.

What I love about this is that I can go and sit and enjoy lunch when I need some serenity...some time to clear my mind and just breathe

I think what I love most is that it reminds me of that place in Minnesota where we spent many a summer.

In Minnesota...there were Ducks and Loons...

Boats and canoes...

Bright sun glaring down....

Birds and the occasional skywriter...

But most importantly there was my view from where I lay and all the things that I soaked in. All the sounds of the birds, the shaking of the leaves, the peace.

Even in the middle of the city there is a little piece of my childhood that lives on from this place by the river and it brings zen back to me.

So tell me about the place that takes you back.

Does it bring calm and bring peace? Does it motivate your thoughts? Does it bring back memories of laughter and joy?